It was very difficult for me to talk about Crohn’s Disease the first 10 years after my diagnosis. I always felt ashamed. The symptoms are awful (hello bloody diarrhea) and not something you want to shout from the rooftop. It’s very isolating because it makes you feel so alone. When you are being hit with this disease you feel like you are the only person in the world going through this struggle. I know that’s not true but being rational during difficult times doesn’t happen to me.
Here are some of my ugly truths about life with Crohn’s Disease:
- I’ve crapped my pants so many times that I lost count.
- I always used to carry extra underwear in my purse for such days. I would toss the dirty pair and put on the clean one and hopefully salvage my day. Sometimes that wasn’t enough and I would have to go home.
- I had the fastest routes always planned with easy to get to bathroom stops along the way. I knew what gas stations and stores had easily accessible bathrooms.
- I wouldn’t eat in the morning because I didn’t want to worry about running to the bathroom.
- I’ve worn adult diapers because it was just easier.
- I’ve pushed people away because this disease makes you feel like less of a person.
- Moments after the picture below was taken I had to run to the bathroom. I didn’t make it. I just threw away the jeans since I was traveling. I loved those jeans.
- I never used to wear white pants because if I didn’t make it to the bathroom it would be very obvious.
- I’ve spent many nights on the bathroom floor just crying.
- Now that I have an ostomy I don’t worry about not making it to the bathroom, but I still carry around emergency colostomy supplies in case something happens.
- I used to think it was easier being alone.
- I once had an accident on a date. We were at an ice skating rink and I struggled when I was trying to take my skates off in the bathroom. I had to get my underwear off to toss it. I probably spent 20 minutes in there.
- I’ve tried to ignore this disease and that never works.
One of the reasons I started blogging about Crohn’s Disease 7 years ago (wow) was to make it easier for myself to talk about life with this disease. For so long I kept everything to myself and that didn’t help one bit. I’ve stopped being ashamed about a lot of these ugly truths, but I still have my moments where I just shut down.
