Remember back in Elementary School when we would say things like, “Best Friends Forever!” and you couldn’t imagine your life without your best friends? I guess when we were 8 years old we didn’t realize how much life can change.
A lot of friendships come and go, and that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Things change, and sometimes that includes our relationships.
When you’re sick, friendships are really tested. Over the years I’ve been very lucky to have some incredible friends who have stuck by me and been there for me when I needed it the most. I apologize to my awesome friends because this post isn’t about them.
This is for all the sick people who lost a good friend during really tough times. Life isn’t a fairytale and some relationships are tested during our worst times. The only reason I’m sharing this story is that I want people who have been through the same thing to know they aren’t alone.
Like many of my posts, I’ve debated with myself whether or not to post this. It’s another very personal story, but every time I’ve been more open and honest I feel I’m able to connect with more people. I try to talk about things that aren’t easy to discuss and I think when I do, more people can relate and understand.
I’m taking you back over 10 years ago, after my first surgery. It was hell. When recovering from surgery there is the physical aspect AND the emotional part. No one really warns you about that. Well, I had emergency surgery so there was NO time to prepare for anything.
That first week was hell on earth. I was extremely lethargic and barely conscious. I wanted to sleep through it all and wake up when it was over. Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. My close family and friends were stopping by to sit with me and to be there for my mom as well. My mom called up my best friend at the time, for this story we will call her . . . F. There’s no story behind the letter, I just picked it to use instead of her name. Not sure if we still have any mutual friends but this isn’t me talking trash, this is me telling a story about something I went through. Anyway, my mom said I was not doing well and she needed F’s help to come and help me get up and it would lift my spirits.
F came over right after she got off from work, which was really kind and sweet. She walked with me a bit and sat with me and it did help lift my spirits. Sometimes all we need is someone to remind you that they are there and you’re not alone.
Week 2 things took a bad turn. I was not getting any better. Typically after a bowel resection, you can go home in about 5-7 days. However, that was not the case for me. I had a massive infection and was running high fevers. I ended up having multiple seizures and was sent to the ICU. I spent 10 days in the ICU while they tried to figure out what was going on. It was pretty much related to the massive infection.
F was supposed to come by one day after work to sit with me and cheer me up, do what friends do. F was also going to bring her laptop for me to borrow (pre-smartphones and tablets). This is where F’s story ends. I never heard from F again. First I was worried, then I got angry. I may have sent a nasty text a few days later. I don’t regret that, I was hurt.
I started questioning myself. Did I do something to offend her? Was I not a good friend? Was I asking too much? Fuck that. I was going through the worst time of my life and I’m not going to apologize for asking for help. If you don’t know, I spent a total of 9 weeks in the hospital recovering from that surgery. I would wake up and cry every day. It was the darkest period of my life. A psychiatrist had to come see me and I was put on antidepressants. I had to go through a difficult physical recovery on top of an emotionally exhausting and frustrating period. All I wanted was my friend.
F was the first person to break my heart. I went through all the emotions of a breakup. Denial, Anger, Grief, Bargaining, Acceptance. Losing a friend in such a way is devastating. It’s difficult to come back from that and let people in. It took some time to be open to friendships and relationships.
Yes, sometimes you are going to be disappointed and let down. This isn’t a Nicolas Sparks novel where everyone is Prince Fucking Charming. You will find out who your friends are during difficult times in your life. Most of the time you will be overwhelmed with the support you receive from those around you and that tends to outweigh the disappointments and heartbreaks.
